My Life In A Nutshell.....

Sometimes I truely despise what I have become.

The Evolution Of Child

The evolution of children over the last 20 years has amazed me. I personally think that all children are sliding back in a time warp and turning back into monkeys. Monkeys are smart, however they obviously lack all of the intellect needed to rule the earth.

Monkeys and kids. So different, yet so not different.

When did it become ok for children to rule the household? When did it become ok for a child to tell the parent or adult what to do? When did it become ok for a child to have an opinion in adult conversations?

WHEN DID IT BECOME OK TO NOT SPANK OR PUNISH A CHILD?

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying to go out and beat a child or lock them in the attic. That would be wrong. But when did the big white line that separates the child from the adults get blurred, stepped on and ignored?

Where did the fucking line go?

When did it become appropriate to be "friends" with your children instead of being a parent? I firmly believe that kids have enough friends that they socialize with. A parent is a parent, that's it. Friendship comes later in life in a parent/child relationship. You can't be a buddy and still expect to hold the reins of authority. It just doesn't work. Doesn't work, doesn't work, does not work!

When i'm out in a store somewhere and I see a child throwing a hissy fit, the first thing that comes to mind is, "Why don't they swat his ass?". Why are people in society so horrified over a child getting a swat or two?

I SEE NOTHING WRONG WITH THIS!!!!

Do you want to know how many tantrums I threw when I was a child? I'm talking in public or at home?

NONE!!!

My brother and I did not throw tantrums, because we knew what the boundry was. The line was perfectly clear to me when I was a child. I knew what the consequences were. For every action, there is a reaction. Throw a fit, you get a spanking. I wouldn't have been threatened with a spanking, I would have gotten one. There was no "threatening" what would be done to me if I did wrong. It was an instant action. No ifs, no ands, no buts. Just action. One of our local police officers was in a Wal-Mart a few months ago. His young son started to throw a fit. He gave him a pop on the butt and he stopped. Some stupid fucking woman in all of her outraged glory had the nerve to step up to him and start yelling at him for disciplining his child. What he said (or rather yelled) to her was classic............"That's why your fucking kid is going to wind up in prison!!". Needless to say, the woman shut her mouth and walked away. Clap, clap, clap and an award for him.

My parents were not my friends, they were my parents. I did not become friends with my parents until I left for the Army at the age of 19. Some of the things that I say to them now, the things we laugh and joke about......I wouldn't have dared to say to them when I was younger. Again, big line that didn't get crossed. I knew better.

If I would have dared to tell my parents that I had "the right to my own opinion" (as the 11 year old brat told me on Sunday), I wouldn't have been able to speak or sit down for a damn week. I knew better.

I'm definetly the hard ass in the relationship with my redhead, brat and brats mother. If I say he's grounded for a week, then he's grounded for a week. There is no "Oh, its been 2 days and you've done so good". Bullshit!!! What is that teaching? What kind of adult is he being molded into? I don't believe in letting children rule the roost. Kids need guidance. They need discipline, rules, limits and love. They also need a swat on the ass when needed.

For any parents reading this that are horrified at what I've written.........well, fuck you!!!

Fuck you and don't come crying when your kid winds up in prison getting a different kind of spanking from a big old corn-fed bubba!!

Don't spare the rod and the child just might wind up being productive, respectful and not a parolee.

Salt Water Taffy

I have decided that salt water taffy is my friend.

Not only is it my friend, but it's one of my best friends. It's right up there with chocolate and peanut butter. Mmmmmmmmmmm.........a fat girls dream (with cheese cake of course!).

I had not had REAL salt water taffy in years. In fact, I had not had real taffy since 1993. 1993 would be the last time I got to go to the beach on the east coast. When my parents came here in September, they bought me a box of salt water taffy from Fisher's Pop Corn on the board walk in Ocean City, Maryland. For anybody that has ever been to Ocean City, you know there is 3 (actually 5) very important things you must do.

Fisher's Pop Corn for taffy and pop corn, of course! Thrasher's french fries, funnel cake, Davincie's italian food (on the board walk, between 5th and 7th Street), and Jolly Roger's amusement park. Actually, make it 6, 'cause you have to throw in Hooper's for crab and other seafood.

As I sit here and let the sweet taste of the taffy that I shoved into my mouth slide across my tongue, I can't help but wonder.............

Do they make taffy flavored cheese cake?

Sex, Lies and Video Tape

I would just like to mention from the begining that this is not based on a true story, but IS a true story.

*besides, Coyote Mike wanted to know about it.

About 1 1/2 years ago, I was at Amber's house. She was living with her parents at the time. Amber (as usual) wouldn't wake up. She was sleeping on the couch and her mom and I were sitting in the living room talking.

Amber's mom went to switch a load of laundry. As I was sitting there, I noticed that Amber had started to moan and giggle in her sleep. I mean "serious" moaning and giggling. She also started saying, "Stop it......(giggle)........(giggle).......stop....".

I sat on the chair watching her as her mom walked back into the room. All I could do, with my eyes as big as saucers, was to start pointing at Amber and saying "Holy shit!".

Her mom just kind of gave me a "what?" look. I started laughing and I told her about the moaning, giggling and talking. Let's just say her mom looked horrified. Me, in my great wisdom decided to go over to the couch and start messing with her.

Amber woke up as soon as I sat down. Probably because her mom and I could not stop laughing. Mamma told Amber what I had witnessed. Amber then proceeded to say that I was lying and making it up. It never happened and that I was full of shit. Mamma walked out of the room and Amber looked at me with a red face and said, "Oh my God! I was having the nastiest dream!". Amber admitted after her mom walked out of the room that she was having a wet dream.

Lying, me?????? Who's the liar now, bitch??

Amber has not to this day fessed up to her mom.

That would be the sex and the lies. If the lies had not happened, then the video tape would have never have happened.

About 2 weeks after the little incident at her parents house, Amber was at my house. She, my redhead and I were in the living room. Amber was sitting in a chair with her feet propped up on the coffee table. Unfortunatly for Amber, she fell asleep.

Stupid, stupid Amber!!

The redhead and I were watching TV and all of the sudden we heard moaning. We looked over and there was Amber moaning and giggling (again).

The redhead said, "What the hell?"

Me? I got excited and started pointing. "Bitch said I was lying, did she? I told you it was true!!!"

The redhead went and grabbed the video camera as I was sitting and trying to hold all of the laughter in. We got the best 45 seconds of camera time ever.

Not only was she moaning and giggling on the camera, but she was putting her finger to her mouth and saying "Shhhhh, just wait". She then proceeded to stick her finger in her mouth, suck on it and wipe the moisture around her lips. Then she giggled and laughed, again.

By this time, the redhead had the camera pretty close to her and she woke up.

Can you say total shock and disbelief???

The moral of the story is this.................don't call your friends liars when they have video camera's, because it just makes for concrete proof to show to others.

And yes, I even showed it to the convience store clerk working night shift!!

Karma's a rotten bitch, isn't she?

Just Say NO To Chemo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I get to just say "No" to chemotherapy!!!!!!!

I got my results back yesterday and I got the all clear on everything they took out!

I can not even begin to say what a huge relief it was to hear that. The last 10 months of biopsies, pain, surgery and always being on edge is finally over.

Yea, me!!!!!!!

The Doc even said that he could tell a huge difference when he walked into the room for the exam. The way I was holding myself up for the first time in months and the fact that I was smiling when I saw him.

They were even laughing when I told him that I was so upset with him because the scar on my stomach now distracts from my stretch marks. He was even giggling during the exam when we got to talking about drug addicts and I told him what a BMW is. (For those of you that don't know BMW stands for Basic Meth Whore).

Now I don't have to go back to the doctor until February. I will have to see him every 3 months for the next year, but as long as everything keeps going the way it is, after that it will only be once a year.

Yea, me!!!! No chemo!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you God!

I Can't Stop Crying

My parents just left to go back to Pennsylvania and I can't stop crying.

I didn't want them to leave yet. They helped me out so much by coming out here and it has been a wonderful 5 1/2 weeks. I don't think they will ever comprehend how much they emotionally supported me through this entire ordeal.

I just know that I miss them so bad already and I wish they could stay a while longer.

I can't stop crying and my heart feels heavy.

The Kids Deserve A Beating

Would you like to know what I saw when I walked into my home this morning?

My "girls" (Ok, they are yellow labs, but I don't have kids of my own, so cut me a break!) were hunkered down on the floor not looking at me. This only occurs when they have done something wrong. If they are both doing it, I know it's something really bad!!

Boy, was it bad!

Apparently after the redhead left for work, they decided that it would be a good idea to use the couch as a chew toy.

That's right, a fucking chew toy!!

My couch now has a 2 foot section of material torn to shreds right smack dab in the middle. On the front. NOBODY could miss seeing it!

The stuffing was chewed up and the material was torn to shreds. I couldn't even figure out a way to try and piece it back together.

Needless to say, I was so mad that I called them names that no self respecting lab should ever be called. They also got a few smacks and got tossed into the pen outside.

Dirty little slutty bitches!!!! Bad, bad, bad, baaaaaaaaaaaad fucking dogs!

In the middle of me yelling at them, my dad comes walking out from the guest bedroom to see what they've done. Mom and dad got here 4 days before surgery to help me out while I recovered (what a blessing they have been!).

Do you know what my dad's first response was?

Dad........"You need to get rid of them."

Me.........."What?"

Dad........"I would get rid of them!"

Me.........."Uhmmmm.........so if a kid does something bad, you get rid of them?"

Dad........."I'm serious, they would have to go"

Me..........talking to myself in my head.........."Oh my God!!! Get rid of them? I love my spoiled rotten dogs!!! Yes, they did something really bad, but to not have them? No wonder I have so many issues! Get rid of them, my ass!!!"

Me.........out loud..........."I don't think so. They've been punished and they know they did something bad. My dogs aren't going anywhere."

Dad........."Do what you want."

Me..........."Yea, I think I will."

Get rid of them?

Hint to parents.................When you say dumb things, you need to keep this in the back of your head at all times..........

Be kind, because it's your kids that get to pick out your nursing home.