Just Say NO To Chemo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I get to just say "No" to chemotherapy!!!!!!!

I got my results back yesterday and I got the all clear on everything they took out!

I can not even begin to say what a huge relief it was to hear that. The last 10 months of biopsies, pain, surgery and always being on edge is finally over.

Yea, me!!!!!!!

The Doc even said that he could tell a huge difference when he walked into the room for the exam. The way I was holding myself up for the first time in months and the fact that I was smiling when I saw him.

They were even laughing when I told him that I was so upset with him because the scar on my stomach now distracts from my stretch marks. He was even giggling during the exam when we got to talking about drug addicts and I told him what a BMW is. (For those of you that don't know BMW stands for Basic Meth Whore).

Now I don't have to go back to the doctor until February. I will have to see him every 3 months for the next year, but as long as everything keeps going the way it is, after that it will only be once a year.

Yea, me!!!! No chemo!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you God!

I Can't Stop Crying

My parents just left to go back to Pennsylvania and I can't stop crying.

I didn't want them to leave yet. They helped me out so much by coming out here and it has been a wonderful 5 1/2 weeks. I don't think they will ever comprehend how much they emotionally supported me through this entire ordeal.

I just know that I miss them so bad already and I wish they could stay a while longer.

I can't stop crying and my heart feels heavy.

The Kids Deserve A Beating

Would you like to know what I saw when I walked into my home this morning?

My "girls" (Ok, they are yellow labs, but I don't have kids of my own, so cut me a break!) were hunkered down on the floor not looking at me. This only occurs when they have done something wrong. If they are both doing it, I know it's something really bad!!

Boy, was it bad!

Apparently after the redhead left for work, they decided that it would be a good idea to use the couch as a chew toy.

That's right, a fucking chew toy!!

My couch now has a 2 foot section of material torn to shreds right smack dab in the middle. On the front. NOBODY could miss seeing it!

The stuffing was chewed up and the material was torn to shreds. I couldn't even figure out a way to try and piece it back together.

Needless to say, I was so mad that I called them names that no self respecting lab should ever be called. They also got a few smacks and got tossed into the pen outside.

Dirty little slutty bitches!!!! Bad, bad, bad, baaaaaaaaaaaad fucking dogs!

In the middle of me yelling at them, my dad comes walking out from the guest bedroom to see what they've done. Mom and dad got here 4 days before surgery to help me out while I recovered (what a blessing they have been!).

Do you know what my dad's first response was?

Dad........"You need to get rid of them."

Me.........."What?"

Dad........"I would get rid of them!"

Me.........."Uhmmmm.........so if a kid does something bad, you get rid of them?"

Dad........."I'm serious, they would have to go"

Me..........talking to myself in my head.........."Oh my God!!! Get rid of them? I love my spoiled rotten dogs!!! Yes, they did something really bad, but to not have them? No wonder I have so many issues! Get rid of them, my ass!!!"

Me.........out loud..........."I don't think so. They've been punished and they know they did something bad. My dogs aren't going anywhere."

Dad........."Do what you want."

Me..........."Yea, I think I will."

Get rid of them?

Hint to parents.................When you say dumb things, you need to keep this in the back of your head at all times..........

Be kind, because it's your kids that get to pick out your nursing home.

Help Me Powerball Lottery!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I can not even begin to describe how desperatly I wish/dream that I would hit the powerball lottery.

I want to be rich. I want to be rich.

I want to be filthy, dripping in money rich!!!!!

I thought that being away from the high stress of my job for almost 5 weeks would make a difference in my attitude. Boy was I wrong. Same shit, different day.........even 5 weeks later.

I also completly understand why the doctor wanted me off of work for 6 weeks and then part-time for a week or so. I am so exhausted and I'm hurting so bad in my stomach and back that I can hardly stand it. 10 hour stressful shifts do not mix with surgery. Especially working graveyards.

Why can't I be rich?

Back To Work

It has been 4 weeks since surgery. It is back to work day.

I DON'T WANT TO GO BACK!!!!!!!!

Why can't I be one of those rich people that doesn't HAVE to work?

Why can't I be one of those kids with rich parents?

Damn it!

I haven't had to deal with the stress of work for over a month. I haven't had to deal with any difficult people or difficult coworkers.

I'VE BEEN LOVING IT!!!

Some of the best advice that I've ever recieved has been from my dad.

"No matter where you are in life or where you work, there's always going to be an asshole".

That is one of the most true statements I have ever heard and trust me, my work has its fair share of them.

Last night, my redhead and I decided to go out for a little while 'cause we've been housebound for a month. I was designated driver since I can't drink until after my 6 week appointment. We were heading home around 2:30 this morning when we noticed a bunch of cops at a friends house. This friend has a history of being on/off drugs. He was putting a stereo in our jeep which is parked at his house. We decided to drive back by his house to see what was going on. When we drove by, there was several cops and a bunch of people standing outside the house.

All I could think was, "Holy shit!! There has been a drug bust and a vehicle registered in my name is sitting in front of the fucking house!!".

We drove past the house trying to decide what to do. I finally decided to take the bull by the horns and go to the h0use to speak with the cops and find out what was going on.

When we pulled up, I noticed a white truck sitting in the driveway, but it didn't sink in my brain that the vehicle was sitting at an angle. Here a drunk driver came flying down the street to the north of the house. The dumbass missed the stop sign at a high rate of speed and then locked it up losing control of his vehicle. The truck went in to our friends jeep, moving it sideways, which then slammed in to our vehicle. It moved thier jeep over 10 feet when it hit ours. The truck then continued on hitting thier house. Thier house is damaged, there jeep is totaled and our jeep has damage to the front fender, it pushed the bumper back and broke our brackets for our KC lights.

Unfortuantly, the drunk that was driving took off running and they were not able to catch him. This morning, he called our local police department and said that his truck was "stolen" last night.

STUPID DRUNK FUCKER!!!!!!

I'm very grateful that nobody was hurt, however our friends don't have alot of money. It's the whole point that even though they will get money from the insurance company, they can not afford to get a new vehicle. Yes, he has a problem with drugs that he has struggled with for many years off and on. It's still the point that this dumbass who was drinking and driving did all of this damage and could have killed someone!

I was a designated driver last night, why couldn't he have gotten one?

Not Feeling Quite Right

I don't feel good.

I woke up with a sinus infection last Thursday morning. Coughing and sneezing when your stomach has been cut open does not feel very good.
My incision started opening on the left side and is finally starting to heal. The scarring is going to be a little worse than orginally.

God, the horror! I do believe the scar is now going to distract from my stretch marks!

Anyway, I've just been really down and depressed the last few days. I don't know if the hormone pills need to be adjusted or what the deal is. I just know that I don't like it.

I'm not sleeping. When I do sleep, I'm dreaming.

Wanna know what I'm dreaming about?

Babies. I dream about babies. Having babies and then having them taken from me. I've even been dreaming of the doctor yelling at me and telling me it's all my fault. I had a dream that I read the doctors report on the surgery and in the report he said "the patient has nobody to blame but herself".

Fucking fucked up dreams!