Uncomfortably Numb

I am officially UNcomfortably numb. There is NO comfort whatsoever.

I have learned numerous things in the last few days since the operation.....

1) Not smoking has got to be the mother fucking hardest thing ever!!

2) I love my wonderful little white friends called vicodin. I think I love them more than anything in the world.

3) Having a nicotine fit and then having a "non smoker" tell you that you are just fine and "you are NOT having a nicotine fit". FUCK YOU!!!!

4) A person has no dignity left after a few days in the hospital.

5) If you accidently pull the "need assistance" string while on the toilet in the hospital, the nurses will open the door and come in.

6) Even if a bathroom door is locked in the hospital, the nurse can still get into the room in 5 seconds flat

7) Nurses get pissed and turn red in the face if you lock bathroom doors and you're the patient.

8) Hosptals will put 3 I.V.'s in you and then only use 1. WHY????

9) If you have a cathater in, you can be talking to someone and be going pee without even realizing it. Just watch the bag fill up!

10) EVERYBODY in the hospital is very nosey and wants to know if you have shit or not. Kind of personal, don't ya think?

11) When your stomach gets cut open, air gets in. Gas pains can be one of the most painful things in the world.

12) Coughing is nearly impossible when your stomach is cut open.

13) Nurses will come into your room and check your catheter every 2 hours even when sleeping. Hint: When tubes are attached to someones insides through the twat, maybe wake them up and let them know you're going to jiggle things around. Just a suggestion.

14) Hospital food is pretty damn tasty when you're hungry enough.

15) I ate more jello in 2 days than I have eaten in a lifetime. If I NEVER have a fucking bite of orange jello for the rest of my life....I truthfully don't know if a lifetime is enough.

16) The volume on a hospital TV can never be turned up quite enough.

17) EVERYBODY that you have ever known calls to see how your doing when you're in the hospital. It's very appreciated, but do you know how hard it is to answer the phone with tubes poking everywhere out of your body?

18) Not smoking, but having someone with a big dip of chew in his mouth telling you that "you can do it, don't give in" and "i'm not smoking either, just for you". Yea, you're not fucking smoking, because you didn't really like smoking, but you have a big old dip in. Fuck off asshole!!! How is it any fucking different? You're still getting your nicotine and I'm not!! I've got 2 1/2 words for ya..............Balls, lick 'em!!!!!

19) Vicodin. It really is a bitch's best friend!

20) Having surgery sucks!