Uhmmmm....I didn't know you could do that....

Electricity is an amazing thing. You can do all kinds of things with electricity. You can have light. You can cook. You can wash clothes.

You can also slice away cancerous areas on your coochie!!

Seriously, I'm not kidding.

By the time the merry month of May rolled around, it was time for the L.E.E.P. procedure. Loop eclectro....something....procedure.

The basics of a L.E.E.P. are this. A wire loop thing on a long stick with a cord coming out the end of it. A big sticky patch thing they stick on your thigh to use as a "ground". A suction tube thinger and a big machine that puts out some voltage.

Voltage?

Yep, voltage.

Oh yea, also needles. Looooooong needles to shoot numbing shit into your cervix. Great. Thanks. (I've passed out just from having blood drawn.)

They shoot numbing stuff into your cervix. Do you have any idea how bad it HURTS to have not one, not two, but numerous needles put into your twat? It hurts pretty fucking bad!!!

The big suction tube thing? That's used to suck the "smoke out" from the burning flesh. Burning flesh? From my twat? Are you serious?

Yep, I'm afraid that I am.

I had a smoking pooter!!!!!!!!!!

Electricity goes through the wire loop thing and cuts and cauterizes all the areas that are turning into cancer. Nice. Fuckers.

The nice doctor that got his medical degree online (I'm certain) didn't wait long enough for the numbing shit to take effect. I felt the first two slices off my cervix.

I would rather shit my bed every night for 2 weeks than to EVER experience that again. Hell, make it a month!

Once he sliced everything off of my cervix, he let me know that it had spread up into my cervical canal. I did not know this. I did not know it had spread in 2 months. I hate surprises, especially bad ones that mean more smoking from my pooter!

Sorry, I just can't seem to get over the whole "smoking twat" thing. At the time I thought it was hillarious and I still do. Smoking twat!!!!

Anyway, the recovery was about 6 weeks total. I hated it. I hated it then and I hate it now. I really don't ever want to talk about it again.

SMOKING POOTER!!!!!!!!!!!!