An Internal..........WHAT?

I've got to go back in time a little. Between the first biopsy and the second, they told me that I had to have "something" else done. I would really love to shove this doctors "something's" that he keeps throwing at me up his skinny ass!

The "something" was an internal ultra sound.

"A what??", I said.

An internal ultrasound is a LARGE wand type device that is inserted and takes pictures of your ovaries, cervix and uterous. Nice.

I walked my butt down a floor at the office to radiology. I swear it was the longest walk of mixed emotions that I ever took. Seriously, I was convincing myself that it wouldn't be so bad. It just couldn't be that bad, right?

WRONG!!!!

The lady that seemed so nice took an external ultra sound first. I realized afterwards that she did that just to throw me off. That's it, get the patient nice and relaxed and then spring the worst case scenario of all porn related medical procedures in their face!! Bitch!

The nice lady that turned in to satan pulled out the "wand".

The "wand" is about 10 inches long and has a fair amount of girth to it.

Satan then pulled out a condom. A condom? What the hell are you going to do with a condom? The bitch never even kissed me! Are you kidding me?

Satan nurse then put the condom on the wand.

I had a look of horror in my eyes. I know she could see every ounce of fear in my very soul. So, of course, I had to make a joke out of it.

"What do you think you're going to do with that?", I said.

"Oh, don't worry. We only insert the ultra sound up to here.", as she points out about 6 inches worth of satans sword.

"That's good, 'cause my boyfriend is hung like a can of tuna fish!"

As she stared at me with a totally blank look on her face, she came over and lifted up the blanket. Satan bitch then told me that I would have to insert the ultra sound myself.

What the fuck is wrong with these people?

Not only am I about to be impaled, but you want me to do it to myself?

Staring, staring, staring. If you ever come face to face with evil, don't ever stare it in the eye. You will lose!

After losing the staring battle with the evil whore, I finally got enough courage to grasp this enourmous thing with both hands and do what she ordered. Ok, maybe I didn't have to use two hands, but it was still big and it still sucked!!

At first, the evil one wasn't being that bad. I did, however, notice that her hand kept slipping lower and lower on the wand. Before I knew what was happening, her hand was at the very end and she was poking it around my side to "get a good look at my overaries". What the hell is wrong with some people? Why would you do that to someone and not give them any warning? Obviously I'm already having problems down there, so why would you shove 10 inches of pure pain around like you were digging for gold? Why?

Because she is Satan, that's why!!

As I layed there, I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes as I stared frozen at the ceiling. Finally, nasty Satan women, noticed my face and says, "Are you ok?"

NO!!!!!!!!!

What's the give away? The tears, the shaking or the pale skin?

Satan immediately turned into a stupid, dumb bitch with no brain in her head!!

Seriously, if anyone is reading this that does this sort of thing for a living, here are some pointers.....

1) NO CONDOMS!!! I don't care if you have to pull out the plastic wrap, just NO CONDOMS!

2) YOU PUT IT IN! If your going to take the ultra sound, then you do it all of the way, baby!

3) WARM UP THE K-Y!!!! The "junk" is sensitive to cold!

4) DON'T LIE!!! If you know you're going to shove the entire thing in, give a bitch some warning!

5) NO CONDOMS! Seriously, It's just disgusting!